In any sport, to win you have to work hard, play by the rules, and most importantly, stay in the game. I use these same rules for the eating disorder treatment. Often I see people in this game called “rehab and recovery” getting sad, mad, pouting, doubtful, insecure, fragile, too confident, unaware and they drop the ball and leave at half time. They quit. Sometimes all it takes is one simple small mistake to send them away from recovery, indulging in the eating disorder for days and sometimes weeks.
I know this because I did this many times. I quit many times. I relapsed and the relapses would send me to the deepest holes of darkness where my vision of the world was seriously damaged, losing all kinds of hope and feeling sicker and more damaged than ever.
I would be doing just fine in the recovery path for two hours, two day, two weeks, living awesomely and then out of nowhere I would buy a box of doughnuts and eat the whole thing on the way to the house. Or, I would drink too much alcohol and once drunk stop I would stop at TacoBell to buy the whole menu, or at least the family pack for $10! Or, I would just get too happy, to excited, because I was doing so well in recovery and decide to not be so aware anymore, and before I knew it I was in front of the fridge binging on cheese, ice-cream, and whatever I could find. I dropped out of recovery all the time. Of course I didn’t want to quit my recovery but my ways almost always would send me to the starting line. Dropping off was easier. It was as simple as starting the day telling myself how fat and bloated I looked. Feeling fat always made me binge.
I know how relapses work. I’ve been there a million times. And the truth is that it is easier to drop your ultimate goal and keep up with the same old habits. I’ve done that many times. I would set goals, I would be on my way to achieve those goals and something would happen; happy hour, birthday cake, unexpected dinner, bad day at work or school, my favorite cookies were on sale, boredom, anything, and I would end up back at the toilet purging all the food out, feeling extremely guilty and hopeless. My only way out was to change my outlook of the whole situation.
I learned to see those moments where I dropped recovery only as “bumps in the road”. They are just bumps. No reason to stress for not achieving full recovery immediately. No reason to feel guilty or hopeless. There is no reason to judge the situation. It happens, you’ve binged and purged, and now it’s time to move on. Don’t think about it. Really. MOVE ON to the next thing. Know that you are on your way, and not being perfect in your recovery is only part of the recovery process. You should not feel bad or be scared. You are on your way to live a life free of your eating disorder!
How is your recovery going? Are you having a bad morning? Bad day? Are you stuck in the binging and purging cycle? You are not alone! I am here for you! I am cheering for you. You can do it! Leave a comment or ask a question. I am always here for you. I will post part 2 of this post tomorrow and let me know what you think. ❤